i feel as if im doing something wrong. like one change has set off a chain reaction and now a lot of things are changing. im not sure wut to make of it. or if im just overreacting. i feel like im just losing more. i wish i knew wut to do...

<3

so i have beasicaly had the best two days ever...theres this guy...and he likes me and i like him and everything is going amazing right now i just cant beleive its even real...its like you finally know you got it right when you dont want to fall asleep anymore...because reality is finally better than your dreams =] <3 rm

concrete angel

She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back
Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen and lace

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel...




<3

why?

why do they continue to do this? it drives everyone crazy. nothing good comes out of it. it just wastes air. it seems like everything was perfect before we came. before we become part of all of this. its like we are just in the way of their life. the one that wasn't intended to include us. can't they see this is what they supposedly tried to protect us from. can't they see this is why it happened in the first place. i guess not...

ok so i got the idea to write down some quotes from a friend ... ;)


~When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.~

~Promise you won't forget me, because if I thought you would, I'd never leave.~

~If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I would not follow, I would be at the bottom to catch them when they fall.~

~If I had one gift that I could give you, my friend, it would be the ability to see yourself as others see you, because only then would you know how extremely special you are.~

~The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.~

~Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend.~

~Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.~

~A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.~

~You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind.~

~No smile is as beautiful as the one that struggles through the tears.~

~The best things in life are unseen. That's why we close our eyes when kiss, cry, and dream~

~Isn't it funny how day-by-day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?~


--->my girlie added a couple xoxox<---

what do you do when you feel so invisible you cant sleep without a light on, afraid that in the dark you just might vanish entirely? simple. become someone interesting enough to be noticed.

superbowl

so superbowl sunday doesn't seem so super...i am currently drinking tea and watching the game with my dad...well actually watching my dad watching the game. its oddly quiet. today i went to church which wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be (our director was not there) so the choir and i sounded ok. =] afterwards, well there was some stuff at home but whatever, my dad took my brother and i to the mall to give my brother a new "look" he was getting made fun of at school so i picked out all his new clothes. he looks surprisingly, good. (hell probably just froze over right there) haha just kidding but seriously ;) so the valentines day dance is this friday and my dad does NOT want to take me to go get a dress and if he doesn't well then i'm not so sure i am even going to the dance. ya know i dont think i have ever actually felt like going to a dance but i end up going anyways most of the time cuz my friends talk me into it. just a thought there. ok well i am gonna go and try to pay attention to this game. talk sometime this week =] <3

grounded...=[

french midterms were super easy! all of my friends are out at the movies and i am stuck in the house grounded for the night and my phone was taken away for 3 days. it totally sucks. and all because i got a D on a homework assignment. how lame is that. my brother is basically failing and he is having a sleepover at the house tomorrow night...fun. so since i have a whole night to kill i thought i would write in here. nothing much going on at home step mom is in her office working. dad is sleeping. brother is watching tv in the basement. i just ate some chinese food and it was disgusting. i swear best friday night ever! well i dont really know what else to say as of now so peace out girl scout !

R.I.P. mommy

ok so this is my last blog for today i swear...you are probably thinking wow this girl has some serious issues she needs to work out and that may be true but the reason why i have been so bleh lately is because today is the one year anniversary of my mothers death. she passed away in her sleep due to pneumonia. her bf at the time knew about it and he also was the only one to know the way to the hospital because they just recently moved. he chose not to take her...i consider that murder...so heres a little something just for you mom


God looked around his garden and found an empty space
He glanced down upon earth and saw your tired face
He put his arms around you and lifted you to rest
Gods garden must be beautiful he only takes the best
He knew that you were suffering, he knew you were in pain
He knew that you would never get well on this again
He saw the road was getting rough and the hills were hard to climb
So he closed your weary eyelids and whispered "Peace be thine"
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone
For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.

<3 your babygirl

just thinking...

i wish someone would just come up to me and give me a big hug. not say anything and just let me cry. i dont want to have to say somethings wrong i just want someone to just KNOW and not really push cuz with me (ok this is going to sound really weird but) im like a cotton ball. u push and pull and push and pull as hard as u can to try to get me to talk and that does nothing. i dont budge. but all it really takes is a tiny tug and im so ready to just say it all. i wish i didnt have to say this. but i guess u have to say it for ppl to know for future reference right?

reflection on today

today was normal...waaaay too normal. nobody remembered. it was horrible. some ppl now and then would ask if something was wrong or if i was ok, and i just, smiled. and the worst part was that my best friends were worse...i mean they were completely oblivious to the fact that i was distraught all day. and if they did know, they showed no sympathy. i felt so unloved its not even funny. its probably not even their fault but i just wish i had someone to talk to about it during the day. it most likely would have been a lot better...anyways off of the morose topic of, well, that topic, i so did not want to dance today. i am pretty sure it was my last day of it so its all good. midterms are coming up and i have a load of studying to do so i guess il just write some more wen anything exciting comes up. =]

sleepless nights

i didnt sleep at all last night. i couldnt. i just layed in bed till about 3 when i decided to get ready for school...a little early but it kept my mind doing something. besides the fact that i am extremely sleep deprived i have a massive migraine and i feel sick to my stomach. i have about an hour to waste until i have to leave for school so i thought i would write. its so cold out (and in) im shaking. well i guess i should eat something because im going to need it today. im going to need anything i can get to tell u the truth just to make it through the day in one piece. i honestly dont know if i can make it. il write again later today to tell about everything that happened if im up for it.

weekend wonders

so my school let out for a four day weekend for mlk day which is pretty cool and over all it has been a good weekend. nothing too exciting but i was fulfilled...so then why do i not feel like it has been...it actually is kinda depressing in a way...it feels like everything is moving so extremely fast and then theres me standing still, sometimes even moving backwards...like when you take a picture but unexpectedly the camera is all out of focus...i feel like that a lot of the time...my friends just think that i dont pay attention and i am purposely "ditzy" and it feels like im watching them...watching them live and i am just sitting there watching it like a rerun late at night. why do i feel this way when all i want to do is to be part of the show instead of viewing it from behind that broken glass?

intro

ok so this is my first post as you might have imagined and i just wanted to introduce to you the various topics that ill be talking about on here...its all about the life of an average girl in a not so average life and her daily adventures victories and defeats, with things from high school, best friends, family, life in general, and her personal favorite...you guessed it, guys! enjoy!! =]